Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
