Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
