Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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