He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
