just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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