you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
