Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
