The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sext me about skeletons
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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