some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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