why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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