Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
