before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
