I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize