did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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