That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
