If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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