My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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