Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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