Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
