I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
