and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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