Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize