Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
