i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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