just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
