Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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