All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We need a shit load of segways right now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
