I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
