You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
