guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
