I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
