does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
