The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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