She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
