u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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