there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I smell like Dick and happiness
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
