Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize