Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
