Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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