He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
