I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
