please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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