well I can't set my house on fire every night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
