Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
