I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm at about main and main street
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
