Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
