I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
