Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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