foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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