I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
