Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
