Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
