just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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