thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize