So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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