I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
