Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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