First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
