Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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