just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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