i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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