it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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