Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
