terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
