Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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