help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
