Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
