:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
