I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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