id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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