Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
