Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
