mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
