Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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