Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
