Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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