Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
