had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
