i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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