we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
