Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
