Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
